Day 17

"Clear your mind of CAN'T"

Today has been another bitch. Had to do a bunch of bookwork (yes, again). I really don't know how I got myself into doing bookwork for my Mom, my youngest son (who also farms and has a baling operation) and us. My dad was an accountant but it is kind of a joke in my family that numbers and I hate each other. I can NOT remember numbers to save my life. I can look at it, and poof! it's gone! If I don't write it down, I lose them in the ether.

Made myself a poached egg and warmed up one of my "buttermilk" biscuits to have instead of toast and sat down the way I'm supposed to when I ate breakfast. Then it all went downhill. I worked in my office (home office) until almost 3 p.m. only getting up to pee and get more water. So I wasn't having lunch until late and then didn't really feel like eating much so just nibbled on some carrots.

By suppertime I was fairly hungry. I made a batch of paleo fudge and put it in the frig and was anticipating it to the point that when I finally broke down and tried a piece before supper, I couldn't even handle a bite. BLECH. Next time I put something in it for sweetening. I can get by with banana muffins and a lot of other things without sugar, but chocolate? No. I have to have some tinge of sweetness. They are still in the frig, but they'll be going out tomorrow. That solves my question of whether I'd like the moo-less mousse more now that I'm on day 17 instead of when I made it on day 2 and couldn't stomach it. Lots of people said to wait and try it later on, but I'm fairly certain it isn't going to happen. Again, when the detox is over and I can put something (yet to be determined) in it to make it a little less bitter, then I think I'll have a hit on my hands.

Made hamburgers and I treated myself to a sweet potato and some green beans, since I was feeling particularily put upon. I know, don't reward yourself with food. Babysteps again, people. I'm getting there!

No change with the nose. Still running... maybe it really is a cold, although no fever. Time will tell.

Day 16

"Gratitude turns what we have into enough."

 Today has been a zoo. The realtor called and said the paperwork had come and we decided to meet at 2 o'clock at her office. I talked to mom and she thought she might be up to having her dog back. I packed up all her stuff and was heading to Mom's when the visiting nurse called to talk to me about the inhaler she is supposed to be using daily. Seems mom either isn't using it right or screwed something up because the 30 doses were pretty much gone. She did say mom's lungs sounded better and it seemed her oxygen level was up. We discussed a bit and I told the nurse that tomorrow was the day mom was to call the doctor and tell her if it was helping. If not, the doctor wasn't going to fill the perscription. I asked the nurse to call the doctor's office and explain the situation and let me know what they wanted to do. She called me back and said the doc wanted to fill the perscription, so I have that on my plate today as well.

Got to Mom's and she had just gotten back from lunch. Seemed very happy to see Maggie. Maggie seemed indifferent. Oh, well. The nurse also had suggested that Mom get one of the rails taken off her porch so she wouldn't have to walk Maggie when it was too cold, she could just let her out the slider. I explained we had talked about that before Mom moved in, but then Mom vetoed it at the last minute. Guess we'll try it again.

She was fussing about her TV needing adjustment and would she call someone to fix it. Hrm... I looked at it and changed the zoom and it was fine. Then she wanted me to look at her computer again. Can only seem to log into gmail about every third time. Every time I do it, it works perfectly. She keeps saying it is the machine. I think it is the Mom.

Went to realtor office and got all the paperwork signed and done. Ran to get mom medicine and a cable to tie the dog out with, then back to Mom's apartment. She had more boxes she'd emptied she wanted me to take as well as she wanted to look in some (clear) boxes she had on her shelves. Keeps humming about wanting to get rid of a set of shelves. Personally, I think she can use them but oh, well. I think I may have an idea to use one for an actual book - bookshelf then move the others over away from the furnace access. I also think I may take a folding table next time I go so she can set up her sewing machine until I get the laptop back to her. If she's having trouble with the desktop with Windows 7, I have no idea how she's going to handle Windows 8. I need to learn it first before I give it to her so I can answer questions "telepathically". LOL. I have a Mac.

Lastly, she wanted to go to the basement and see what was in her storage cage. I know she keeps her Christmas stuff there, and suitcases, and her one box with her Noah's ark collectables. Well, after Christmas my aunt had helped her pack all her things away. We start pulling stuff out of the cage (it is all put in there like a jigsaw puzzle) and find out the big plastic box on the bottom is empty! She'd bought a new, smaller box for her Christmas things while they were all out and she packed it all away without getting back into the big box and here it sat empty just taking up valuable space! Geez.

Home after dark, in one piece, and only cheated a little bit. Had a Subway club sandwich at noon on the road. I got it on wheat but that was the first grain I've had. Didn't even seem particularily wonderful... I'm sure a big ol' chocolate bar would have satisfied me more. At least it wasn't a horrible terrible no good slip. Back on the "horse" tomorrow. Interesting note: by the time I got home my nose was running like crazy. Wondering if it is just a fluke that it happened the day I ate bread? Or if it is just a cold and it happened to come on tonight. Guess we'll see if it goes into a full blown cold or goes away in a couple of days of eating right.

Day 15

"You must learn a new way to THINK before you can master a new way to BE."

It is Monday and I'm tired. I think I have a busy week ahead. The closing is this week for mom's house and the realtor is to let me know when the paperwork comes so I can go sign it. I've still got Maggie and yesterday I took ALL the dogs to the groomer (5, count 'em, 5 of them!). Thank goodness Hubs went with so it wasn't horrible, but did I have a car full. When the groomer brought them back her car was even more full as she has a lot smaller car than I do! We certainly got some looks when we took them in.

We also had an appoinment in the afternoon with our banker to talk about the next year and setting up our cashflow. Ugh. I HATE that part of this job. HATE is not a strong enough word. Spent a lot of the morning figuring out what to take, then didn't take all I should have. Stress much? Yes.

I was "good" through it all. The banana muffins I made a couple of days ago have been a lifesaver. Just enough sweetness to satisfy. I have to break out and try some new recipes though or I'm going to get bored fast.

Day 14

"Every day that you wake up is another day to get it right."

I'm trying.

Day 13

"Good habits are as addictive as Bad habits. but much more rewarding."

Today I've felt pretty good. Slept better last night which helped a lot. I took some Aleve before bed and adjusted the setting a bit and think it helped my back. Up once to take my puppy outside, but went right back to sleep when I got back to bed.

I felt energetic enough to get the treadmill out of mothballs and started walking. Didn't do much, just one lap (about 1/4 mile) but I don't want to overdo. I'm starting slow and going to keep on, just at a slow and steady pace. Gradually I'll increase the incline and/or the speed and time. Again, I'm trying to do baby steps.

Made some absolutely delicious paleo banana muffins. They were soooo good I even got a thumbs up from Hubs. Warm, with butter? Yum! Putting that one in the "keep" file.

Got around to updating my other blog. Can't believe I ignored it for so long. That's just not like me!!

Maybe one of these days I'll get to some of my other projects.

Day 12

"Han-gry (adj) A state of anger caused by lack of food, hunger causing a negative change in emotional state" 

So last night was a long one. I don't know if it is a side effect of the detox, but my mid-back is hurting like crazy, but only at night. We have a sleep number bed and I'm wondering if I need to make some adjustment to it. Between that waking me up last night I've been up and down several times during the night to pee (sorry, TMI?). There is a down side to drinking tons of water...

Today I did some errands. I returned the animal carrying crate I bought yesterday. It was too big. Funny, thing, though... yesterday I'd purchased the smaller one and put it in my car and then thought it was too small so went back in the store and exchanged it for the larger one. Guess I should have trusted my instinct in the first place.

Then I went to visit with the geek squad about my phone. He didn't even look at it. Told me if it was syncing with anything that maybe the time zone was off on one of those items (I sync with my MacBook and my iPad. Anyhow, when I got home I checked and they were both fine. Grrrr...
I got on the Apple website and their solution right off the top was to send it in. Well, hell. I don't really want to do that either.

Haven't eaten much today. Really wasn't hungry. Guess that's a good side effect? I even went to the bookstore after Best Buy and looked for cookbooks. Nothing. Then I went to the library and looked at cookbooks. Nothing. No books, and no spark of a craving. Guess that's all good?

Day 11

"People often say that inspiration doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing. That's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar

Today has been up and down. Had to be up early to take daughter's dog and cat in for their dentals. They drop off early. Since I quit my job a year ago October, I don't really do early. I mean, I'm up at the butt-crack of dawn to let the dogs out, but then I go back to bed! (As do they, I might add.) When Hubs is in the field then I'm up a bit earlier, but generally not in full makeup and decent clothing and ready to meet the public.

Drop off completed, I came home and fixed myself a nice full breakfast. I even went so far as to make the "buttermilk" biscuit recipe in the 21 DSD program manual. It wasn't anything to write home about, but they didn't spread as bad as some other people who had posted pictures and they were better with the eggs and sausage than... just eggs and sausage. If I fry my eggs I want them to have a fluid yoke and I love to dunk my toast in said fluid yoke. Having to give up the breads (EVIL BREAD) I needed to have something with which to dunk! It worked... not toast, but close enough to get me by. I think when I reheat in the toaster it may have more of the texture of an english muffin (I hope).

After breakfast and thoroughly cleaning the kitchen (it was badly in need of it) I went to do some errands. Some of which was picking up a few specialty foods/items that I decided I needed after several days of this life change. (Notice I didn't say "diet"...)

Home again and waiting for the critters to be ready for pick up.

Got creative for supper. Made my usual beef stogonoff recipe only substituted the one non-compliant ingredient (flour) with arrowroot for thickening. I made the regular egg noodles for Hubs, but I warmed up some leftover spaghetti squash and used that for my "noodles". It was really good! I like the squash because it really doesn't have a strong flavor, but rather makes a base to use for other sauces. Daughter says she fries some up and uses cinnamon on it... haven't tried that yet, but it sounds delish!

Day 10

"Nothing changes if nothing changes."

So I forgot to mention that yesterday on my way home I was barreling along at 68 mph (the speed limit was 65) and suddenly a message popped up on my vehicle dash that there was a problem with my wheels and my motor was being shut down to a reduced speed - 50 mph. I was almost to the turn off where the speed limit changes to 55, but at the time cars were zooming all around me as I was limping along at 50 mph. I called Hubs and he thought he knew what the trouble was. The day before I had gotten warnings because my tires weren't inflated enough - due to the extreme cold weather we've been having. So my brother-in-law put air in them for me. Only trouble was, he mis-read the gauge and put about 10 lb more per tire than he should have! He called me when I was down the road a bit and told me what he'd done and that they'd ride rough, but we didn't realize it would set off the sensors and do all this other stuff. At lease, that was my husband's thought. So I pulled off and shut everything off and waited a bit and tried again. This time it let me go to 55 mph and didn't give me any error messages, the check engine light just stayed on.

Today Hubs took some of the air out of the tires so they were inflated where they should have been and told me to just drive it - he thought the computer would figure it out and reset the code. So I drove about 10 miles and got fuel and when I started it up again to leave the check engine light was off. My Hubs is so smart! No permanent damage done!

Also forgot to mention that when we went to Mom's doctor, she told me the wrong building. It was a different clinic about four blocks further up the road. Oh well. We found it and weren't too late.

Today I stayed good. I even exercised a bit. When I say a bit... I do mean a bit. I rode the stationary bike I got from Mom. It is one of those that make you use your arms as well. Feeling cocky, I set the timer for 20 minutes and away I went. For all of five, count 'em, five minutes. I have turned into such a jelly wuss! Geez. My arms were killing me! I have to remind myself that was how it was before when I started using the treadmill. I was exhausted going 1 mile. Eventually I ended up doing 10 miles, so I know it will just take time.

Day 9

"Know the difference between setback and failure. Setback: You slipped up. Screwed up. Lost focus. Gave in. Got busy. Got lazy or distracted yourself.  Failure: You decided your health wasn't worth the effort"

Ok. Today is almost over, thank goodness! Made a shake to take to mom's this morning. Got there and she was a basket case. She'd fallen on her way to the bathroom last night. Just a small bruise on her finger. Sounds like she slipped in her socks on the linoleum between her bedroom carpet and the bathroom rug. She wasn't really hurt, just felt stupid about it. She seemed fine, but really weak and shaky - more so than normal. She was upset because she was under 100 lb today (98). She was 104 at the doctor's office and that was with shoes and all her clothes on! Doc said she was 107 last time, so still losing. Doc told her to drink her Ensure 2x a day ( I think she stopped when she moved into the retirement community and they were feeding her a big lunch every day - thought that was enough. One meal a day is not enough. ) Doc told her to eat even when she's not hungry and to drink lots of water and do some exercise. Gave her a maintenance inhaler for her breathing. She is to use it every night as well as her rescue inhaler. Don't think she uses it as much as she should.

Got back to her complex in time for her to go to lunch. I went home. Hubs called to tell me a check had gone through we had thought had already gone through the bank for one of the landlords. We have an appointment next monday to go over the year-end stuff and set up the new operating line, but I need to figure out how much it is going to take to get through the next couple of weeks. I hate bookkeeping - and my dad was an accountant!

Got home and let the dogs out and had some pickles rolled in ham. One of my favorites, but Subway sure looked good on my way by! I resisted tho! Yay me!

Day 8

"Failure is a detour, not a dead end street."  -Zig Ziglar

Quite the day. Mom called while I was in the shower. She was sick (head cold?) and said the visiting nurse was coming that afternoon. I decided to go down and bring her dog Maggie home for a few days so she didn't have to take her out in the cold. Don't need mom getting even more sick.

Ended up calling a contractor mom had used for odds and ends around her place and he agreed to meet me at the house. Thought it was just snow blown in the vent but he didn't have his ladder (knew mom had one but didn't realize she'd moved out) and he would come back tomorrow or Wednesday to check it. He'll let me know what he finds. He's going to paint the ceiling where it leaked through as well, and hopefully it will match good enough we won't have to paint the whole ceiling. He would do that, though, if it needs it. I gave him the garage code and just told him to call me.

I called her insurance company, but the deductible is higher than what the bill will be.

Did use the trip to go to Whole Foods while I was in town. Nice store. I'd been there before, but when you are eating the standard American diet, you really don't find anything there that trips your trigger.

Got home and found out mom's rent check never got to them. So, wrote another and mailed it from the post office when I took my daughter's dog Bug (who lives with us full time now - the dog, not the girl) and one of my cats, Wellington, to the vet for some blood tests. They're having teeth cleaning on Thursday and they're both old so need to have blood work to make sure they can withstand the anesthesia. Also have to start antibiotics.

Finally home about 4:00. Whew! What a day! Visiting nurse called and said mom's lungs are clear, so that's a good thing! However, doctor office called and finally gave us results of the breathing test and said she does have some COPD. Doc wants to see her tomorrow morning.Oh, yay! Another trip!

Day 7

"Wake up with determination, go to bed with satisfaction."

Today hasn't been bad, but was tired and unmotivated. Hubs went to the store for me and got more apples and bananas, then I didn't have the energy to make a thing.

Realtor called this evening and told me the attic at mom's house had snow in it and it had melted through the family room ceiling. Started stressing big-time. Went through about 20 minutes of REALLY wanting a Pepsi, chocolate, sugar... but grabbed the green olives and that was enough to hold me off. Got supper going ASAP to stave off any more hunger.

Left a message for our neighbor who is a roof contractor to call me. We'll see if he wants to deal with this. Otherwise, the realtor thought she might know of someone. UGH. So close to the January 22 closing! I want this done!

Day 6

"Small changes can make a big difference."

Quite the day. started out feeling good. Made eggs and sausage for Hubs and I, then packed a lunch and went to my mom's. She is in a retirement community now and they serve a big lunch every day. I've eaten with her in the past and it is very good, just not 21 DSD friendly. I went with her to the dining hall and just visited. I wasn't hungry, so never ate my lunch.

After lunch she had errands, as usual. Then I headed home. By now, hungry. Stopped and bought a package of pistachios. They are on the approved food list. I can't remember ever having them before except in pudding or ice cream. They were really good!

When I got home I went out to supper with my Hubs, youngest son's wife and granddaughter. Youngest son is out of town at a "school" for a few days to learn how to set up a dirt track modified race car chassis he is going to start selling). At any rate, we were going to go to Hickory Park (a local restaurant) but they were so busy! Granddaughter gets hangry when she doesn't eat in a timely fashion - she's two and a half. We ended up going to Red Lobster. Because we were pretty early eating to accommodate granddaughter, we only had a twenty minute wait. Now my tummy was rumbling as well!

It was good and I tried to stay on plan as much as possible. The excitement of the evening was granddaughter spilling a whole glass of ice water in my lap!!! Cold and wet all dinner and until I could get home to change. Made for a very cold ride home, too!

Realized tonight my favorite almond butter I've been eating all week has SUGAR in it! DAMNIT!

Day 5

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest."

I'm skipping the powder supplement today. Cousin says she only takes it Monday through Thursday. We'll see if that changes anything. Had very weird dreams. Feeling sluggish and still headachy. Took Aleve this morning to see if it helps - if it is detox stuff, then probably not.

Decided to have a jammie day.

Day 4

"When you feel like quitting, remember why you started."

Woke today without a headache! That was good! Checked Fitbit and it appeared I slept more soundly - curious if I really did or if it was because I work it in my bra last night instead of on my wrist.

Went to town and made a lap through the chain store healthy food section, then went over to the health food store. Think I'm pretty stocked up now. Did pick up meds and dog supplies while I was out and about. The weather has been bitterly cold and windy. Today is bad, but it is better than the sub-zero stuff we've been having the past few days!

Day 3

"I'm sorry for what I said when I was hungry."

Headache was back today. Talked to cousin and she said to take my supplemental powder with water and save my fruit allotment for afternoon when I crave sugar more. A bit more tired today as well. Am hoping to get to the store tomorrow for some staples to make some more snack options - jerky and the moo-less chocolate mousse recipes intrigue me. I'm sure it won't be anything like the full sugar versions, but if it even resembles chocolate it will be a good thing.

Still not exercising. Saving that for my next step - starting next Monday. Considering stepping up 21 DSD program to level 2. May look into that. When I took the test to see what level I should be I came in at 1.5 and if I start exercising that will move me up.

Onward and upward! Tomorrow is day 4 - everyone says detox symptoms start getting better usually day 4 or 5, so I can always hope, right?

Day 2

"I'm not telling you it's going to be EASY, I'm telling you it's going to be WORTH IT."

Woke up and took two of my supplements right away. Then made a smoothie with the powder, almond milk, almond butter, ice and a green banana. As of 10 am it has worked for the headache - I didn't have one! I did add some magnesium, per the support group. They said it would help with caffeine  withdrawal. I sent a message to my younger daughter who has been eating Paleo for some time (off and on) and who is kind of doing the sugar detox as well. I asked her how to fix the spaghetti squash, as I know she's fixed it before. I was so excited to find out she was detoxing too! Just makes for more support! Like minds...

This afternoon I checked out listed recipes others are doing through 21 DSD - making a grocery list. Technically I should have done all this over the weekend or last week and been prepared. Thought I'd go to our local health food market, but daughter tells me our local large grocery chain also has a health market in it that carries a pretty good selection of items and is cheaper. Will have to check that out.

Interesting note: The app "Fat Secret" that I've used in the past calculates my RDI as 1600.

Day 1

"Wake up and be awesome."

Had a headache all day. Stayed off the Pepsi all day so was pretty proud of myself! Started my supplements and found out I should have taken two pills not one and had the shake mix first thing instead of waiting until lunchtime. Will try that tomorrow. Didn't start any exercise yet... babysteps. Logging food through my Fitbit (my eldest son and dil got it for me for my birthday and Christmas gift!).

Day 0

"A year from now, you will wish you had started today." - Karen Lamb

I decided I've been pretty rough on myself the past year. About two years ago I got down to a weight I hadn't seen since high school. Now, I'm 58 years old so that was quite a big deal! Actually, I was smaller than I had been in high school. I was buying size 2 jeans and medium tops. I was 130 lb. and felt pretty good. I have been a type 2 diabetic for 25+ years and I was to a point I was almost all but off my meds. I was walking 5-10 miles a day and I felt great.

What happened? I'm not sure. Gradually stress started sneaking in on me and I am a huge stress eater. My go-to stress food? Sugar. Pepsi. Cocoa. Warm white bread with butter. Chocolate in most any form. White potatoes. Chicken and noodles. You're getting the picture. At first it was only on weekends... then my work days were so stressful it was time to get out the real pop not get by with the sugar substitute ones. Over the course of the last couple of years I ballooned back up. No, I haven't gotten to my highest high of 225 lb. I haven't even gotten to my second highest of 195 lbs. I got a little too close for comfort, though. I heard about this 21 Day Sugar Detox on Facebook. It is a program developed by a woman to get off all sugars - even the hidden ones in food. You give up all the artificial sweeteners, most fruit (just for the 21 days) and eat "clean". Her program is based on the Paleo diet. Also, at the same time, my cousin had been trying to get me to get with her supplement program called "Thrive" by  Le-Vel. Never heard of them, but it is all natural and gives you a lot of energy. I think there is green tea extract and a bunch of other good stuff to keep you going. At any rate, I bit the bullet and decided to do them both. The 21 Day Sugar Detox (21 DSD) group is starting tomorrow,  January 5 and I'm going to start the Thrive then as well.

Lucky you... This is where I'm gonna spew.

A New Beginning

I have had a blog called The Torn Pages for many years. In the past oh, say, five years it has mostly been sitting neglected. I recently decided I would start writing there again and I'm very pleased to say as of this moment I've written two posts. Nice, huh? Better than nothing! However, I have been trying to keep a paper journal of my most recent venture and I'm finding as a computer nerd who has actually worked with them for many years, it hurts to write with a pen and paper for any extended period of time. At least, if you want the words to be legible.So, I've decided to start this blog for that purpose. I apologize if you don't want to hear about all my day-to-day eating habits and struggles with my weight and/or sugar and my diabetes trials and tribulations. If I bore you or you are offended, just feel free to move along. I won't be mad. Honest.